Cataract Gorge Don’t Do

I am preempting this blog with a ‘do as I say, not as I do’.

1. Do go to Cataract Gorge.

2. Don’t take the route we took.

Having previously researched our visit to Cataract Gorge, I had read on numerous websites it was an ‘easy’ walk from the city centre. Deciding that easy was something that suited me to a T, we decided to leave our car at our hotel, fire up trusty (now seriously debatable) old Google Maps and leisurely walk our way to the Gorge.

I would just like to say to the people sharing information on the internet, it would be bloody helpful if you were extremely specific as to where the ‘easy’ walk was located. Good old Google (really am starting to not like her or him) sent us walking up a very steep street en route to our destination.

Now, if you don’t believe me, check out the photo evidence I have so kindly included so that you truly appreciate my lack of exaggeration today. Unlike the inaccurate research I had found, I am sharing every aspect of what can only be known as hell for this hobbit sized, unfit walker! Now if my near heart attack, puffing, panting, complaining (yes hubby has the patience of a saint), aching things and utter distress weren’t enough, as we got to the top of the street (aka mini mountain), we had the joy (can’t put into writing the actual word I want to use) of finding that there were indeed several repeats of so called steep easy street. And as you would guess it, my huffing, puffing and complaining continued. As I lingered behind hubby, I seriously considered killing Google’s stupid ‘continue straight and turn right’ directions and opening up my Uber app.

Perseverance paid off, a good 45 minutes of near death (more evidence Google lies as she said 20 minutes) and we eventually made it to the chairlift station. Trying to purchase our tickets in between my gasps for breath, the lady was kind enough to tell us that we had walked the most difficult way possible. Fancy that, who would have thought? She also shared that she quite often sees tourists struggling up the hill (bloody more like Mt Everest) and pulls over to give them a lift. All I would like to say is, why wasn’t she there to save me this morning? I would have more than happily risked life and death hitch hiking up the hill. Listening to this expert’s advice, we purchased the one way chairlift pass and took her highlighted map showing the ‘easy’ walk, on the other side of the river, that would bring us back to the city. She was even kind enough to share, through her giggles, that some of the way may even be downhill.

The chairlift across the river reminded me of the rickety old chairlift I had braved in Japan. Unlike the Japanese version, this one had a safety bar to pull across the front of you. I’m not sure how much safety it would really provide, but I was confident my very snug fitting bottom would keep me stuck nicely in place in the seat. I was more concerned with disembarking with my tired legs.

The views from the chairlift were great and I attempted to snap away in all directions. My photographic expertise was short lived, as my frozen fingers struggled to hold my phone and the thought of dropping it in the river below was enough to put it safely away. It was seriously icy cold and the coldest we’ve been in our fortnight in Tassie so far.

The lady selling the chair lift tickets had recommended trying a Devonshire Tea at the Gorge cafe when we arrived at the other side. Heading straight for the food, I was excited to be presented with steaming hot scones but ended up severely disappointed as they had cooled by the time I got them to the table. The icy weather had the same effect on the scones as it was having on my hands. Attempting to eat my now cool scones, it was a battle of will between myself and the peacocks on who would actually get the food. If you thought seagulls were scavengers, just wait for these pesty beasts.

Having consumed morning tea, Tanya 1, peacocks 0, we started the so called ‘easy’ walk back to the city. Low and behold, the walk was very easy and unlike the hideous experience of getting to the Gorge was just like my research had stated. The scenery was breathtaking with the river in full flow and my non-heart attack walking enabled me to enjoy it. Unlike the walk up, it really was relaxing to be able to walk, admire and breathe!

So here is my tip for anyone visiting Cataract Gorge. Take the ‘easy’ walk. Don’t rely on Google to show you the way, she flat out lies and attempts to kill you. Instead of being a mountain climber, walk on the nice flat streets, past Penny Royal Adventures, over Kings Bridge and right there on the left the entrance is staring you in the face. It even says ‘easy’! I have included the signs to show you just how easy it can be found. In full disclosure, the ‘easy’ walk does have some parts with the slightest of incline, but absolutely nothing like the thigh killing, breathing’s underrated, you won’t be squatting for the toilet without pain tomorrow, inclines of walking up York St.

Reflecting back on the experience, the fact that York St becomes Upper York St should have been a tale telling sign that it wasn’t going to be pleasant. Note to self: if any street includes the word upper, consider using a car.

And that brings me to dinner tonight. Funnily enough the thought of walking wasn’t on my top 10 activities for the evening. For the last three nights we have walked past this dodgy looking Indian restaurant right next to our hotel. Laughing at how rubbish it looked, we’ve ignored it. Tonight was the night that I was willing to try rubbish to avoid pain. A little TripAdvisor checking showed that looks could be deceiving and it was actually well rated. Excited at the prospect we phoned to reserve a table only to find they were booked out. Go figure, the crappy looking place is actually really popular. Next best thing was takeaway and even better, hubby walking to get it. Downside, eating it with the only cutlery we had in our room, teaspoons.

And just like that our Launceston adventure is over. Tomorrow it’s back on the road heading for Burnie via Deloraine, Sheffield and Penguin. Fingers crossed my little legs don’t go on strike tomorrow.

Just call me David Attenborough

In much better spirits after a good night’s sleep (earplugs and medicated induced coma), we headed out this morning to the aptly named, Beauty Point. Unlike yesterdays’ slightly (yes hugely under exaggerated) ridiculous time buffer, today I calculated the drive time, added 15 minutes cautious driving time (uncalled for as Lightening McQueen was at the wheel) and an extra 30 minutes for a cafe visit.

Arriving right on time (who would have thought anal retentive planning would be so spot on), we admired the beautiful river views (completely unscheduled) and headed to The River Cafe. Only a short drive up the road from Platypus House, it was a great decision as the drinks were good, the cakes were yummy and as it turns out, the cafe at Platypus House didn’t have seating….or more importantly cakes.

The big draw card for Beauty Point is Platypus House. We had booked our tickets online yesterday, so had to be there at a specific time (hence the over retentive planning). With COVID impacting on the numbers they take through, booking online is imperative to ensure you don’t miss out. As long as you are as amazing a planner as me (without ridiculous time buffers), it is easy to schedule the arrival time from Launceston. No repeat of the three hour twiddling thumbs today.

The first part of the visit is a guided tour of the platypus pools. Who knew that these cute little creatures could be such dangerous critters. I am feeling very David Attenborough with my now, expertise status in platypus. Knowing the males have a spur on the inner side of their legs, that just so happens to be connected to venom glands, that just so happens to inflict massive pain, that just so happens to not have an anti-venom, will definitely deter me from going in for the pat if we spot one in the wild. This is even more so after the guide made a point of sharing information on ‘idiots’ who try and pat platypus. I wasn’t considering patting one…..honest.

The next part of the visit, an echidna experience, was by far my favourite part of Platypus House. Perfectly on cue, the echidna responded to the banging of their food bowls just like I respond to the sound of a knife cutting cake in front of me. Let’s just say that we are both capable of inhaling the food we like. I can’t believe just how close up and personal you get to the creatures as they repeatedly walk past you.

All full on bug porridge, the echidnas disappeared into the mock bush area where the guide shared that they were getting friendly with each other. She shared that ‘Thomas’ was young and still wasn’t sure where to stick it. I really hope that the sounds coming from the bushes weren’t Thomas missing the hole and sticking it onto a spike.

Heading back to Launceston, we stopped at Beaconsfield for lunch and a visit to the Beaconsfield Mine and Heritage Centre. The bakery on the main street did a delicious scallop pie and hubby said the Cornish pasty was yum. That is quite a feat to impress an Englishman who has sampled pasties in Cornwall. We ended up spending quite some time wandering the Mine and Heritage Centre. The karma gods must have been looking out for us, as just as we finished the outside part of the centre, the skies opened with a downpour.

Beaconsfield also had a heritage walk that I’d missed when planning. Unlike the dodgy ones we have done in Hobart and Launceston (absolutely nothing to do with the map reader……honest), this one had information signs along the sidewalks, sharing what the buildings were and where to head next. Not even I could get lost on this walk! We did stumble across this amazing unoccupied place (picture below) that was for sale for offers over $590K. For a brief moment hubby and I considered selling up in Cairns and running a B&B and cafe. As it turns out, our bright idea was quashed a couple of minutes later after a bit of online research informed us that it had recently sold. Knowing our track record (have made two impulse property buys in the past), it was probably good that it had sold or we might have been coming back home with excess baggage.

Not far down the highway was the turn off for ‘Grindelwald’, a mock Swiss village, resort and residential area. Less than 5 minutes drive off the highway, we stopped in with high hopes of feeling like we were back in Europe. Now if you squinted really hard, played a little yodelling music on your phone (tip of the day: download prior as reception was dodgy) and looked past the non existent snow capped alps, you might have just been able to convince yourself you were in some Swiss town. I found the place quite sweet but hubby repeatedly stated it was ‘naff’ aka English for crap. We visited the sweets shop in hope of picking up some goodies but the random and repeated coughing of the shop assistant had us holding our breath and making a speedy exit. I’m just hoping she was spluttering on a sour lolly and not the next patient zero in Beaconsfield.

The cafe was welcoming and after asking for an extra hot, hot chocolate (eventually I’m going to get a hot one), was presented with something that reminded me of my visits to Switzerland. If we hadn’t already eaten cake twice today (yes we are pigs today), I would have tried one of their delicious offerings. Would I visit Grindelwald again? Driving past on the highway, I might stop at the cafe but I definitely wouldn’t drive out of my way to visit.

As we drove out (hubby grateful his visit was over), we saw the sign for the ‘scenic drive’ around the residential part of the Swiss themed area. With much reluctance from Lightening McQueen at the wheel, we took the turn off. As I oohed and aahed at the Swiss style homes (yes it did take some squinting), hubby repeated his theory of the place being naff. The wood posts around the neighbourhood were quite cute and we successfully managed to not add a rabbit to the roadkill.

Back in Launceston, we decided to stop by Tandy’s Alehouse as it had been recommended. My thoughts on beer are quite clear, it all tastes the same to me. They had a wide range (in my opinion, of all tasting the same) but I opted for a Tassie cider. Boozed up and we decided to take the recommendation of the publican to visit Burger Junkie for dinner. Not a typical Tassie delicacy meal, it was quick, cheap, tasty and easy for two tired travellers. My Canadian hotdog was actually really good! Mind you, that might have been the after effects of my cider. I am a one glass wonder.

Heritage, penguins and unpleasant gases

Last night we decided to reminisce about our day, three years ago to the day, when we were in Mexico learning how to be tequila drinking experts at the Jose Cuervo drinking school. On a side note, I failed dismally by the way, probably thanks to my one glass rolling around the floor stamina. Three years on and I just needed to give tequila another go at Prickly Cactus. This time I opted for a margarita instead of rocket fuel straight tequila, more so because happy hour enabled this tight arse to get a fishbowl sized frozen margarita for the price of a normal sized cocktail.

Now this fishbowl purchase actually proved valuable for two reasons. Reason one, you’ve got to love a penny pinching bargain. Reason two, subsequent purchase of the chilli chicken main meal required a fishbowl sized margarita to cool the burning inferno as I swallowed. Note to self: when the menu states ‘only for the brave’, one should reconsider what constitutes brave. Considering I had eaten spicy Mexican food in Mexico (check out that blog from Cozumel), one would think I could be classed as brave. Consuming my ‘only for the brave’ meal, I proceeded to lose the sensation of my taste buds, my eyes involuntarily watered and my nose transformed into a faucet. Too scared to blow my nose on my napkin (suspected COVID means foreign object inserted up nose to test), I could do the only brave thing that came to mind, quickly consume frozen margarita to combat pain. One might think that an icy cold fishbowl may soothe the furnace that had developed on my insides. Instead, I continued to experience the burning along with an additional brain freeze that had the passing waiter asking if I was okay. Note to waiter: yes I flipping well am okay, I don’t have COVID, I don’t have some involuntary facial spasm, I’m just bloody brave! So in preparation for this morning’s exit of so called brave food, toilet paper was placed in the fridge just in case it felt like a furnace coming out! An additional important fact for anyone wanting to be brave at Prickly Cactus, an evening of non controllable exiting of ‘only for the brave gasses’ not only makes sleep difficult but also puts a right dampener on romance.

If the toxic fumes weren’t romance killing enough, our bargain accomodation added the cherry on top. Comfortable room, tick. Big ensuite, tick. Huge bed with comfy pillows, tick. Perfect location with free parking, tick. Good night sleep, epic fail. Our bargain accomodation also comes with a herd of baby elephants (aka other guests) in the unit above, who just so happen to arrive back at midnight full of cheer after a big night out. I’m guessing it’s really difficult for baby elephants to separate from their herd (yes lots of drunken farewells as they bid goodnight to their friends) and even more difficult for them to move quietly up their stairs just outside our door. At no added cost, we also have an imitation waterfall running through the drain pipes when baby elephants flushed their toilet and showered. Note to baby elephants: frequent toilet visits are a result of excess alcohol consumption. But it doesn’t stop there on the freebies. The beautiful coloured glass front door, that so kindly enables the safety light to shine in all night with a rainbow of colours, provided the perfect reenactment of a bright night in Alaska. And just in case we lost track of time, the beautiful old town clock was kind enough to throw in the freebie of bell chimes, on the quarter hour every hour. Note to self: either drink a crap load more tequila tonight or self medicate with sleeping tablets. Who knows what other freebies we just might experience tonight!

And that brings me to the events of our first day in Launceston. You might say that very little sleep made us right happy campers this morning (yes just a tad of sarcasm there). It took a good couple of hours before either of us managed the pleasantries of worthwhile conversation. It is amazing how after 27 years of marriage, communication can be completed with grunts and facial expressions. Heading off on a slightly later start, we decided to do a Heritage Walk of the city. This self guided walk, courtesy of the map from our hotel (yep another freebie) took us all around the city looking at a range of old buildings. Holding a map walking along really does make one look like a right tourist. In all honesty, there are so many old buildings in Launceston, we decided to ditch the map and just walk.

Stumbling across Penny Royal Adventures, my well planned out itinerary turned out to be also ditched. Having this as our afternoon plan (rethink afternoon now needed), the visit took a whole of 7 minutes and that included walking up the steps (remember I’m slow) at the entrance. As it turns out, there was absolutely nothing to do there as everything was closed. Customary photo taking, a few ‘what the’s’ and we were on our way.

Continuing on our non heritage map, city walk, we strolled along the river, past the brewery (passing on their limited lunch range available) and headed for a quick bite. Given my so called itinerary for the day had been basically completed by 1pm, we decided that we would book a penguin tour at Low Head and drive out there.

All excited at the prospect of seeing the penguins I had missed at Bicheno, we (well I) didn’t think through the fact that a 45 minute drive to arrive at 5pm wouldn’t need us to leave for several hours. Feeling pretty confident that there would be things to see and do along the way, we jumped in the car with four hours to spare. Rookie error, as the road to Low Head is major highway (great wide lanes by the way) and even with my Driving Miss Daisy speed, we were there with way too many hours to kill. Even a stop in Georgetown didn’t assist in the time factor. A visit to the local pub, where the landlord happened to laugh when I asked what we could do for three hours, only slightly killed a little time.

We then drove up to the Low Head Lighthouse, umbrellas out and had a short and very cold wander. Did I mention it is bloody freezing in Launceston. Not exactly wander the beaches to kill time kind of weather. Back in the car, we thanked the deities above for internet access and mobile phones. Lesson to learn: when you know a drive is going to take 45 minutes, consider not allowing a three hour buffer. Even my anal retentive non-tardy characteristics don’t require this.

A long wait rewarded us with one of my favourite experiences in Tassie so far. I would recommend the penguin tour without a second thought. I have to say, it is the best $22 I have spent so far. Lasting about 45 minutes, we watched as hundreds of penguins came out of the water and waddled (just like me when I run) up the beach, across the rocks and into their nests. It was incredible that these wild creatures waddle within a meter of you as they go along their happy little way. No words can describe how wonderful it was to see. The funny thing is, they were right on time. I wonder if any of them arrived at the beach three hours early and did laps of the sea waiting to come in at 5.15pm?

English charm in Tassie

It was time to repack the suitcases (something I miss about cruising) and get back on the road again. Today’s trip was the drive from Binalong Bay to Launceston. Meant to take just over 2 hours, I wondered if the multiple hold ups for roadworks would put a dent in Lightening McQueen’s travel time. As it turns out, with a lunch stop it was a very pleasant four hour trip. I was ecstatic to find my favourite road so far, the Midland Highway, with its wider roads and multiple lanes at times. What I did find entertaining was the extra width added 10km to the speed limit! They sure know how to get people to places fast here in Tassie.

My anal retentive planning skills kicked into action last night with me using Google Maps to investigate every little town we planned to drive through. I was hoping to find some unique little places to spend visit along the way. It is amazing what you can find by going into street view and taking a stroll through a town. I very quickly found out that there wasn’t going to be a lot of places to stop along our route (given we had already driven some of it getting to Binalong). Using this tried and tested method, I stumbled across Evandale, 20 minutes south of Launceston. Having missed this town on any of my prior research (I must be slipping), my Google Walk showed that there was an old village with a bakery that would make the perfect lunch stop. One just had to hope that it would be open. Having driven through multiple small towns to find that the cafe and bakeries were closed (not sure if just for winter or because of COVID), driving into Evandale I was ecstatic that I had discovered it last night.

Evandale reminded me of my years living in England when I met my wonderful husband. It even reminded me of the night when I met him in the wee hours, when a drunk Aussie youngster was nearly arrested by a handsome (got to throw that one in for brownie points) bobby a.k.a. police officer who was preparing to arrest her. Long story short, I avoided arrest but ended up a copper’s wife ten months later! So this gorgeous little village brought back many fond memories of our time in England with all the quaintness and charm of old English villages. I did manage to stay sober this time though.

Finding the bakery cafe open, we were lucky that we hadn’t arrive 10 minutes later as it filled up really quickly. It appeared that even the locals loved this place as half of the tables were reserved. Opting to try the caramelised onion and blue cheese pie (missed the scallop pie on the menu when ordering), I also couldn’t go past ordering a little (not really) cake for hubby and I to share. The ambiance of the place was topped off by a nice feed and I’d recommend a visit if passing.

Taking another short stroll to work off that cake (well half a cake), we headed to the place in town where everyone is dying to get into (yes another dad joke), the cemetery. It always fascinates me walking through a cemetery and reading the tombstones. It is quite incredible that some of these have been standing since the 1800s. You can’t help but wonder about the history of the names written on the stones and the lives they lived and the deaths that followed.

Back on the road and it was a short trip (slightly extended with roadworks) into Launceston. It seemed strange coming back into a busy city with traffic coming at you in all directions. The last week of traveling the countryside had made me forget of the lives we normally live. So we have checked into our absolute bargain accomodation for the next four nights while we explore this region. It might not have the serenity of our Binalong Airbnb, but it does have a lovely view over Launceston and is nice and central for our next four days exploring the area.