Before I start the recollections of yesterday’s port stop in Tauranga, I would like to pose a question of etiquette, specifically around human gas etiquette.
A couple of nights ago, hubby, sister and I were in the ship’s card room having a post dinner game of Frustration. The room was reasonably quiet with only two or three other tables being used. Enter a table of three adults, possibly from China, playing cards. Cue: loud chatter (unable to understand the language) and randomly timed but persistent burping. The ‘piece de resistance’ was my being mid sentence (let’s just imagine saying something very important and quite possibly intellectual), and the very loud sound of gas escaping a crevice that wasn’t the nose, mouth or ears occurs at the table beside us. I will leave it up to you as to which other crevice it could have been…….think the lower half.
Never one to be subtle, my eyes instantly turn to the table to find the possibly Chinese looking at us with slight grins. This may or may not have been due to my thought bubble “did they really just fart out loud” escaping as a speech bubble. Perhaps one needs to change LOL to FOL. So I pose the question, is it okay to loudly cause toxic fumes in a public space on a cruise? Silent and deadly perhaps. Loud and obvious perhaps not. More problematic was my lack of ability to finish my sentence due to trying to hold in the laughter.
Yesterday we docked in Tauranga. Having been to Hobbiton on our last cruise to Tauranga, I had decided to head out to Rotorua instead. Hubby took the son out to Hobbiton (unlike me, our son is a LOTR fan and a Hobbiton virgin) and the sister and I headed out on our own. I would just like to advise anyone separating from their significant other to double check the paperwork before exiting the cabin. It might even be all the more important to check the paperwork before exiting the ship. It might even be all the MORE important to check the paperwork before exiting the port! In my haste to get to my tour (not away from the other half), I picked up the wrong paperwork and had hubby phoning me to advise me of my error.
Luckily, tight arse Tanya had booked the tour through Zealandier Tours (considerably less that the ship option) and had email confirmations as well as the printed paperwork (now known as incorrect paperwork). Rocking up to our meeting point (handily right out of the port gates), we were greeted with being on the tour with another family from the ship. The pressure was well and truly on when they announced they were doing the tour because of me (someone reads my ramblings). Given there were 10+ of them, I was concerned I might struggle to fend off their disappointment!
The Zealandier tour included the drive out to Te Puia Visitor Centre and took us past the abundance of kiwi orchards. Now I may be incorrect using the word orchards, as I may or may not have nodded off along the drive. The ‘may not’ part of the drive would be due to the fellow who sat beside the bus driver at the front and insisted on talking on his mobile phone consistently. I ask, how much talking can one do in a 90 minute drive. The answer is a bloody lot! What made it all the more interesting was that the guy was Mexican and blabbered on in Spanish. For all we know, he could have been Mexican mafia and organising a drug cartel hit! Yes very much stereotyping on my behalf. Luckily, the bus driver doesn’t suffer Tanya’s lack of keeping things in a thought bubble and continued to try and talk over him to narrate our journey.
Te Puia offered a lot of opportunities to learn about some of the Maori culture. I would like to say, the place could benefit from some anal retentive planning to tighten up the procedures. Note to Te Puia: Tanya would be the perfect anally retentive person for the job! There seemed to be quite a bit of waiting, for the show, for the geyser (not to be confused with the old fellow geyser), the arts centre and lunch. On top of this there were mixed messages from different staff on where to wait.
The slightly unorganised wait for the cultural show reminded me why I opt for avoiding organised tours. Branded with the 11.30 show wrist band, it seemed that the staff of the centre were a little loose with where to wait in preparation. When it finally occurred, we did enjoy the performance and I learnt that the white balls on string that resemble onions, are actually part of the dance routine and not strange onion tourist gimmicks.
Our 12.30 wrist band signalled our geyser walk. Unsure where to meet for this, we were finally found by an excellent tour guide who walked us out to the geysers. He had the perfect balance of ridiculous humour with factual information. It is amazing just how many photos of the one thing you can take, especially as it got bigger and bigger. Who says size doesn’t matter? It well and truly does when you are deleting an abundance of geyser photos.
The geysers also brought the smell of rotten eggs. Deciding that the Chinese card players weren’t stalking us, we were safe to blame the smell on the sulphur. Note to geysers: thanks for adding a little unwanted perfume to one of the only dresses that fits me! Visitors, beware the water spouting when the wind blows.
The next part of our tour was a brief stop at some mud pools (purely for observation) and a visit to the kiwi nests. Our next stop was meant to be the arts and cultural centre, but we had to do a stealth move and give the tour the slip. Unfortunately, at 1.45pm my body wasn’t prepared for not having been fed. Cue: Mission Impossible music. It would appear, our stealth moves were quickly followed by the 10+ family and the tour group dropped significantly. It was just as well we did sneak off as the lunch options left at 2pm were slim pickings. I have to say the vegetarian panini I had was actually really good.
As we were eating lunch, the bus driver (original tour guide) checked in on us and gave instructions of our departure at 2.30pm. He did share that he had lost the Mexicans, having last spotted them drinking Coronas at the bar. Cue: Mexican Hat Dance music and stressed bus driver scoping the park for the lost Mexicans.
Mexicans found, we were all rounded up for the drive back to the port, with a pit stop at Okere Falls. This involved a brief viewing of the falls and some taste testing of dried kiwi (possibly from an orchard), fresh kiwi and honey. All was going well until an unknown issue broke out between the Mexicans and the bus driver. The family of 10+, my sister and I sat on the bus watching it pan out (whatever it was). We started to wonder if the ‘we get you back to the ship guaranteed’ was under threat from the Mexican hold up. Eventually the issue was sorted, we were safely transported back to the ship and our bus driver parked up, taking out a traffic cone in his efforts.
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