A whole lot of crazy

Today’s blog title is the catch phrase of the past two days. Perth and Fremantle are both absolutely beautiful cities with the most amazing architecture, great shopping and a vast and entertaining array of crazy. If I ever become severely inappropriately dressed, talk to myself (oh and to invisible people……mmmm flashback to some movie “I see dead people”) and do bizarre things then Perth is definitely going to become my new home. I will fit right in. Life is never dull in this town!

I did however find one specimen of crazy (minus the talking to self and invisible people) who had a somewhat very good idea for the likes of me who is vertically challenged, apparently 5 foot 1 as it was pointed out to me over lunch the other day. I’ve been telling people I am 5 foot 2 for years! Check out those shoes……just like every other bystander did. Mind you with my track record of falling down they just might not be the brightest idea. Note to self: find ridiculous hooker like shoes, practise in front of the mirror and prepare for a move to Perth.

Today we ventured out to Fremantle on the recommendation of my soon to be brother in law (cheers ball bags). The day started off on a positive note, especially with the realisation that tight arse Tanya would be able to score the deal of a family travel pass (yep Simon and I pass as family so no need to abduct small children to appear to be a family) for the bargain price of $12.50 for unlimited travel! Apparently train travel is on sale when it is school holidays in WA. 

Taking up ball bags’, aka brother in law (just can’t explain in a g rated forum) recommendation to visit the jail we headed off in search of the barb wired fences. Now we have visited some great jails in our travels (Alcatraz being one of our favourites) and this one didn’t disappoint. We booked on two of the tours (tight arse Tanya got the double discounted ticket) and headed off on the first one. Now the tour guide was somewhat ‘dry’ and although he tried to crack a joke he just couldn’t quite pull it off. 

At one point we got taken into the prison chapel where until 1991 prisoners used to come for services. Apparently they hold weddings there now and the tour guide informed us that they have had two weddings this year. Now I just can’t understand why there are so few people wanting to marry in this gorgeous looking chapel (insert a huge dose of sarcasm). 

Now the second tour was somewhat interesting. Our tour guide, an ex prison warden from the jail (in his 70s) was a Glaswegian. Apart from the thick Scotish accent, he talked a million miles an hour and walked like he was partaking in a marathon. I have to say he was very entertaining and liked to take the piss out of everyone and anything. This included myself when I made the mistake of pointing out my hands were blue from cold. His response was that he didn’t give a shit and I need to move faster!

Tight arse Tanya’s run of good fortune continued back in Perth with a visit to a chocolate shop whilst in search of Simon’s choice of activity (the only thing he had planned, well kind of planned, let’s say boy planned), a visit to James Squire Brewery. There are two things I do well, one – eat chocolate and two – hunt for a bargain. Into the shop we stroll and find that the chocolate is ridiculously expensive. My flare for a bargain kicked in when I find free taste testing! Can I just put it out there that if you are stupid enough to put three bowls of chocolate drops, with a serve your self spoon, on display you are asking for the likes of a tight arse chocolate lover to spoon in as much as her palm can hold. Oops I did drop a little on the floor. What is the saying, my eyes are bigger than my stomach? That isn’t it, it should be my palm is smaller than my stomach!

We finally made it to Simon’s choice of activity (still waiting for him to take up planning one of our trips), a visit to the brewery. I’m not a beer drinker. I seriously can not make sense of how they taste different but apparently they do. Somebody sweet talked the assistant manager with a ‘I love James Squire beer and she reappeared with an additional beer for free. I wonder if I try that with my next visit to Louis Vuitton…….I really love LV. 

On the road again

Here I am again back on the travel blogging trail and attempting to entertain you (aka bore you stupid). I’m going to put it out there right now that I am not going to be held responsible for any typos or spelling errors as my fingers (oops typed gingers) are frozen cold even inside the hotel room. It’s pretty hard going from winter in Cairns with the average temp being 25 to winter in Perth and single digits. 

Our next adventure started off a little differently to how we anticipated. The day before we were ready to fly out for Perth we had the very sad experience of saying good bye to our much loved dog Midi. After 12 years of her being one of our fur babies we unfortunately had to say goodbye and let her find relief from the pain she was in. It is pretty hard to be excited about heading off on an adventure when you’re faced with something you really don’t want to accept. 

Putting our sadness aside we packed the suitcases (thank goodness for 30kg of luggage each) with everything but the kitchen sink (4 weeks on a cruise is a long time). Now before I even get to talking about leaving the house (insert stupidity moment) I just have to point out that I don’t appreciate Jetstart putting a label on my bag pointing out it is heavy. I would like to see them try and pack for Perth’s Arctic conditions while at the same time packing for Asia’s 35+ conditions, formal wear, medical supplies (learned my lesson from our last adventure….stupid sore throat and inability to read Japanese) as well as a range of beauty products, sunscreen etc. Hey I got it all into my suitcase, you didn’t need to highlight the fact there was a lot in there!

So back to the stupidity story. Anyone who knows me knows I am anal retentive. I think I have mentioned that when at Uni my so called friends made me a tshirt that had Lana written on the back. I did look at them somewhat confused and questioned how credible my Uni was letting idiots in that didn’t fathom my name was Tanya and there was no ‘L’ sound there. Low and behold the joke was on me as they found great humor in knowing I was wearing a tshirt that had anal written on the back backwards! So anal Tanya (dirty minded people the answer is no) has a checklist for when she travels. Step one read checklist, step two put item in suitcase, step three tick item off on list. Now when you have a tick next to each item one would assume that everything is in the suitcase. Somehow anal Tanya (aka slightly ASD, OCD Tanya) managed to tick passports off however hadn’t actually put passports in her bag. Now this could have been an epic tragedy given that we were flying 5 hours across Australia to catch our overseas cruise ship. By the grace of God (or it might have been an angel by the name of Luke) our friend Jon who was playing unpaid (and unemployed hehe) Uber driver just so happened to ask as we got into the car if we had everything and if we had our passports. I tell you what, Jon is getting a great present when we get back (if even the boredom of seeing all of our holiday photos)!

So that brings us to the first leg of our journey, the night flight to Perth. OMG nothing like putting an emotionally drained person on a 5 hour flight that leaves at 8pm and adding a 2 hour time difference. Note to self: fly during the day and go via another capital city, enjoy the perks (and free alcohol) of the Qantas Club and arrive at an hour that doesn’t remind you of your youthful party days (yes I can still vaguely remember). Flying direct in this case was not productive, enjoyable or helpful for the emotionally challenged.

Overcoming tiredness with a ver big sleep in (used to do that in my youth too) we started the day with a walk around the city. It was surprising just how much parts of Perth reminded me of England. It was like being time warped back to our Xmas shopping in Chester….minus the icy conditions and funny accents. Now we did stumble across some freaky looking people in our travels. What does one wear when it is 5 degrees? Shorts, singlet and thongs of course. We did stumble across a VERY bizarre lady on the flight last night. I would say a cross between Pauline Hanson and Sharon from Kath and Kim. She was all class, especially when she bent over to put her child on the ground and you got the pleasure (yes throwing that word around loosely) of seeing not only what she had for breakfast but the lack of appropriate under garments she had on. I particularly liked her choice of hair ties, a clothes peg. Who am I to question the dress sense of others, I love my UGGS (which I didn’t bring this trip 😦 ). 

We went to lunch with an old school friend and his family to Jamie Oliver’s restaurant. Good company, nice food, catching up on 25+ years of life in general and a slight cave in on no drinking until the ship by being side tracked by a mojito in a somewhat Finding Dory moment. So we are now back at the hotel and taking some down time. Not that I am hungry at all but I did see one of my favourite eating spots as we strolled through the city. If I wasn’t so cold (and I hadn’t eaten so much throughout the day) I could just be tempted to visit for dinner. Could be another Finding Dory moment!